The Process of me is going to be a series of blogs on my growth as I go through a very, very difficult period of my life. I'm finding a need/am forced to really start from scratch in all areas of my life. The slumber of my life is over. I'm hoping this is not some new age fluff idealism and that I truly make real growth. I hope my aspirations and expectations are not unrealistic or malformed. I'm hoping I do not hit the cold rock of reality in what I do next, falling broken and cracked. Everything that my life has been till now, will be interpreted by what I do next. Every relationship and close person will be a witness, will be influenced and will judge me by how consistent I am in what I undertake next. Though a change I feel must be made.

It is not a frantic do or die, but it is the biggest sole endeavor of my life. There is no mom or dad or anyone else to bail me out if I fall. If I fail, I fail hard and brutally. If I am able to work on myself in the ways I feel I can, then rewards will be a transformation of myself beyond my wildest of dreams.

I have a simple but deep goal, I want to wrap myself up in the blanket of life in all it's expression, in all it's forms. I want to touch and be touched and become intimately one with life. I want to feel and explore all the beauty and texture in the differences that make life what it is. I love differences, yet I want to go beyond the "us vs. them" mentality. I want to speak the common language of all of life. I want to embrace the routine of my daily living and then expand outward beyond it's protective societal bubble. I want to expand beyond work, beyond family, beyond everything I know about myself.

A year ago I took the middle name Raidho, after the rune for Journey, not because I follow a Norse path, but because my life has been a series of intense journeys and movements. To the core of my being, I needed remember that all life is in constant movement, a constant reaching for the next step. Thus my journey begins. Thus I start the Process of me.