This is a lighter but just as important version of my last blog. Here is some more advice on it, less philosophical and more practical. You know the phrase "He/she drives me crazy" It is not too far off the mark.

You may ask yourself how many times will you leave you alone, broken down in the middle of nowhere before you've had your fill.
If find yourself threatening to leave and never drive again the car again, but out of being desperate you go back to it again and again. You may consider slowing down or walking and leaving it on the side of the road. Relationships that are in constant need of fixing, need either be placed in the scrap heap or unloaded onto some other poor soul that is in need of it more than your or has more time and patience than you.

An example I use with my clients all of the time is relationships are like used cars. You are constantly trading up for the next better model. If this one swears at you, but the other one did drugs then you are moving in the right direction, as long as your next model will be bit smoother and less loud. It is always important to judiciously date, but definitely date - find out what you really truly want in a car or in a relationship - shop around. This does not mean you should not keep a classic car even if it does not have all the new features of younger vixens/studs or takes a bit longer to speed up than the newer models.

In a good relationship MUST have good communication. The most important are turn signals and brakes. It is a form of communication. Your partner will crash into you innumerable times if you do not signal where you are going and when you need to slow down. Turn signals are important - many people use these as dash board ornaments, just like in life. Anticipation of where you are going is critical. Just like the driver in the other car, your partner is no psychic and has no clue what is going on in your head. Another disaster waiting to happen is sudden decisions/brakes with no gradual slowing. Things that typically happen gradually work out best. Keep your eyes focused on what is in front of you and what is happening now while in motion. All too often we get lost in our own inner world/car.

Speed - going a bit slower is always a good rule of thumb, though few of us ever obey this. Fast cars and fast relationships are a lot of fun, but they run a much greater risk of crashing. A lot of us do this when we first get into relationships we go too fast and ultimately crash something that could have been a good thing. Getting complacent and speeding through to our destination, on auto pilot and not enjoying the ride itself. This one works on me on soooo many levels and so often including sex, dinner time, raising your child or anything else you've done a thousand times over. The issue of speed is especially important to moderate the pace if kids are in the car. Remember your kids are watching how you drive, that is how they too will drive.... how your relationship is, is what your children will copy in their own relationships. Going too slow is also an issue. The ride of the relationship can be boring if you do not go with the flow. It can also set you up for multiple accidents If the general pace is too fast for you, please get off the highway, this path may not be your style.

Care and maintenance is so important in a car, just like in a relationship. Keep it clean - limited arguing and swearing. If you do splash mud, gunk, spill coffee or just plain beat on your car, then you are just plain stupid. Unless if you are millionaire, chances are you can't afford to keep getting a new model. Take care of your car/relationship - then it will take care of you. If there is swearing or muck throwing, please say you are sorry and clean in it up ASAP. If you do not, then the stain will set in and your partner will remember it the rest of his/her life as a momento of your obnoxiousness. Oh and no single person should be cleaning up the mess and saying I'm sorry all the time. Chances are both were responsible in some way for the mess.

This article is dedicated to the time I spent in a car insurance discount class, bored out of my mind, but found something creative to do after all!

RELATIONSHIPS ARE A VEHICLE, NOT A BE, ALL END ALL DESTINATION...... with that said I NEVER write in all caps ever, but this is important and an exception.

     This blog is my blanket advice in response to the many other blogs I see about relationships. So many ask advice and guidance on love. It is a topic that is always has been and always will be an important subject wherever you go.

     I'm not a relationship hater. Relationships for me are AWESOME! They have taken me to so many different places emotionally, mentally and spiritually that I would never have found on my own. They have dazzled me with color, brilliance and a passion for life when I felt stagnant and grounded me when my energies flew beyond my control.

     In the end I always remind myself that I fall in love with a person, because of what they bring out of me. I fall in love because how they have SHOW me my own strength. In the end strength is NOT GIVEN to me. That was never theirs to give to me in the first place. It is mine to claim.

     Many people, not all, but many get into relationships because they have low self esteem. There is an intimacy sought that they cannot give themselves. They want someone to tell them it is all right ALL OF THE TIME. They feel someone else can do this for them and create this perfect pool/environment of happiness for them to swim in for the rest of their lives....... Almost sounds like the Christian version of heaven..... UGHHH, I good relationship will help nurture that self esteem. But it will also not put up with self pity and whining. A truly good relationship will kick you in the butt honestly. It will say the tough things that are in your best interests. Even if that means it may hurt your ego in the short term. It will however say it in a firm direct way, with no ego, no attitude, no power over.

     The first step to a great relationship is to say and believe - "I know I am a beautiful and good person." Without self love there is no other real love. For me the people in my life that I love are there because they have a unique, yet different beauty to them. I love to passionately commune and play in that shared pool. We equally acknowledge the other person's strengths as well as our own. Together we create an even higher, deeper, wider joy and passion for life together. Whether it is in the form of a simple phone call, a picnic, playing in the sandbox in a playground or full fledged raw lovemaking....... playing in the sandbox...... is this guy some PERV..... NOOOO! but read on.

     The biggest problem I see when people get into a new relationship and we have ALL seen it and probably have done it ourselves. We cut off all other people and things in our lives. Often we dedicate, worship and focus only on ONE person vs. many others. When I say "relationships", most people think of lover/boyfriend/girlfriend. Rather than friend, family, child, coworker etc. What makes a tree as strong as it is, is that it does not only have 1 root it has many roots going in multiple directions. Intense relationships are wonderful but they need to be moderated by equal intimacy with all the other people in our lives. We must never forget the others in our life. I know I feel as intensely about my best friend as I do about my child as I do about my mother as I do about my lover, etc. They are just expressed in different ways. But they each take me to wonderfully different places and provide me with endless inspiration.

     Truly good relationships inspire us to the beauty that exists in both the outsides of our lives and the inside of ourselves. They teach us many things, but they make the journey of life tons of fun. If the relationship is a really good one, then we will be inspired to want to get up early in the morning (or afternoon) and to want to do a 100 different things, to make changes and not be stagnant! They can show us the beauty of life. We have to grab hold of it and make our own, rather than seeking constant nurturance from them.

     Most of our lives are routine, with some variance. Most of us crave both the comfort of sameness, yet the thrill of something different, an additional color, change of scene etc. The really good relationships are vehicles for both security and electricity. They inspire us to level headedness and caution, yet keep us on our toes to the wonders of what is beyond our perceived boundaries.

     In the end I hope you fall in love for all the right reasons. Even if it is multiple times. In the end I hope you fall in love with many people in ways other than sexual. In the end I hope your ultimate love will be your journey in life and have lovers that serve as adequate vehicles.

ABSOLUTELY NO LYING QUIZ
1. Last cigarette? Never
2. Last beverage: water
3. Last phone call: A very good friend from a distance away
4. Last text message: never
5. Last CD played: Rent
6: Last BUBBLE bath: never
7: Last time you cried : after reading an email from a good friend
8. Last meal: stuffed shells, monkey bread, and cream puffs

List SEVEN have you's:
1. Have you ever dated someone twice?: no
2. Have you ever been cheated on?: no, not exactly
3. Have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?: no, never
4. Have you ever fell in love? YES!!!!
5. Have you ever lost someone?: No
6. Have you ever been depressed? Yes, a lot, but well into my past
7. Have you ever been drunk and threw up? a few times & not for many years

SIX things you did in the past three days:
1. did lots of reading
2. sliced my finger open
3 played with my daughter
4 Punished my daughter for tantrurms
5. Worked a lot and worked out a lot
6. Spirituality/worked with one of my Deities - the great hunter!

List FOUR people you can tell pretty much anything to ...
1. my Best friend in covenspace
2. my friend Pete
3. my coworker bryan
4. my mother

List THREE favorite colors ---
1. grey
2. green
3. orange

List THREE things you want to do before you die -
1. see a special friend I know
2. Not die for a long time have sooo much to live for child, friends, projects etc
3. To really become deeper in my practice, more disciplined and connect deeper to my personal power

This month have you...
Laughed until you cried: no but last month yes!
Went behind your parents back: no
Found out who your true friends were: already know
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT:
1. Gay Marriage? I think it's wonderful and about time!
2. Lowering the drinking age? 21 is good
3. Straight, Gay, or Bi? I am straight
4. Who are the best huggers that you know? My parents, child and one other person I know
5. Do you believe in love at first sight? It can happen, but it is not the sight part, it is the energy that attracts you, that is then slowly nurtured to a blazing flame with substance
6. Is there something you want to tell someone? YES!!! I never really shut up!
7. What brand of shirt are you wearing? None, am bare chested, kicked up the heat in the house
8. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends? Hmmmmm, definitely!!! ;)
9. How many kids do you want to have? Still thinking about it..... one for now, more if the right circumstances come about.
10. Do you wanna change your name? Already did this year legally
11. Last time you saw your father? A few months ago in florida
12. What did you do for your last birthday? Can't really remember it was uneventfull
13. What time did you wake up today? 4:30 am
14. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping
15. Name something you CANNOT wait to do: Hmmmmmm snuggle up close naked to the person I love

No I'm not talking about the old Steve Martin movie, nor about Christians jumping off cliffs in hopes that Jesus will catch them. (laughter) In my previous article I wrote about the mini steps of daily life to keep creativity and passion vibrant in our daily lives. This article is about when all of that comes to a boiling point and change is needed. It is about crossroads and not regretting what might have been.

I tend to write about counseling because it is what I know the most about. I spend over 8 hours daily doing it. Many of my clients suffer through domestic violence, horrid jobs, addiction, endless caretaking or other soul draining situations for years on end. It is probably one of my most frustrating things to witness repeatedly and not having control to change it. The sad thing also is that these people are beautiful, caring, loving and extremely strong individuals, who have endured in a few short years things I've not experienced in a lifetime. They are just blind to their strength

I always ask myself WHY? I've come up with the theory that the pain itself has become part of the routine. Often when clients temporarily free themselves from this. They feel so lost, so afraid and so unenergized by not having that constant tension, they go back to their painful situations once again. "Better the bully you know, than the one you don't" Chris Rock

How to escape this? Since Daoism, even now is a very strong part of my life, there is a passive and active answer to everything, yin and yang. Each equally powerful to the other.

I've experienced some of this stagnation and pain in my own life on a number of occasions. At first it was an even bigger fears and hurts and jealousies of what other people had, that drove me out of bad situations. As I got older and needed less of a kick, the gentler nudge of a desire for happiness and passion for life did it for me.

What has been successful for me in counseling and with myself has been creating an even bigger demon than the one I'm currently dealing with. I will actively and for a prolonged time visualize with clients how much worse will their situation actually progress and feel in 1,5, 10, 20 years from now. I focus on detail and actual feeling. Then I follow up with the same time frames and intensities if they actually made the changes in their lives. The use of jealousy was my personal favorite for myself for a long time. I got very angry and irate on how others were so happy and how they had accomplished things I could only dream of. I allowed the anger to simmer in me for years. I did not try to deny, placate or minimize the pain in any way. It was there for a justified reason. I tried not to shy away from it. I let it hurt so bad to the point where I was ready for any kind of freedom and release. But I've always did it with the patience of a hunter.

What has changed is my attitude. I find love, passion and beauty inspire me to no end nowadays. So much more than fear or harshness ever will. I realize the need to nurture and care for myself and my needs. I learning to be hedonistic more and I am really loving it! I'm learning to have no shame in asking, exploring and reaching out for what I want anymore. I only live in this moment/life once! We all owe ourselves the best each day has to offer. With that thought, I've learned change does not have to include a proverbial "WHAP" on the head. It can be deliciously slow and wonderful experience like going into a warm bath.

Another favorite quote of mine is "Luck is when, preparation meets opportunity." To take either path for that "Leap of Faith" You HAVE to plan things out, know where the least risk is, literally write it down, analyze which leap is the best and safest. You cannot go blindly into that leap or you will scar yourself emotionally from taking further risks. Make sure you have good support on the other end. This is key!!! Every leap of faith no matter what form, it is exhausting and draining. Make sure you have many reliable caring people to help you through the transition and heal. You also need a running start - don't be afraid of your emotions, if focused well, they will give you a tremendous running start.

What happens afterwards? I can tell you from personal experience there is a great release afterwards, even to the point of crying tears of joy after having gone through the ordeal. It is painful stormy and chaotic but ecstatically peaceful at the same time. You will only gain more confidence once you get into the routine of making leaps of faith/change. You will get better at it and like an Olympic hurdler you will even crave them. It has always been well worth my risk, if not in the short term, definitely the long term.

As we get older there are fewer and fewer crossroads compared to that of youth. I urge everyone to really look deeply in their hearts and lives. Please do not be afraid to explore and take those Leaps of Faith.

One of the biggest things I fight daily is inertia, of feeling too comfortable. It is a tough challenge for me because in the past I have overcome a lot. It is so tempting to want to rest back on your laurels and say OK, I've earned this the rest, for the rest of my life. I'm going to sit back and be comfortable the rest of my life.

This happens a great deal with the clients I counsel. After trauma there is a type of freezing where they want to feel comfortable/safe at all costs, to crawl into some cubby hole. I think we have all felt that way, for we have all been touched by pain numerous times in our lives and shut down. As the years and pains grow older this tendency only increases. We lose that perfect spark and run into our little comfortable hobbit holes.

Yes structure does have its' place and is very much needed, for we do live in a physical world. Routine is needed for we all need predictability safety and comfort. It reminds of the days when we were in the womb or held close by a loving parent. However safety is good only as long it serves a purpose. It can becoming an over smothering parent, often choking the crap out of emotions, passion and creativity.

In the Toltec tradition routine is called a mind killer and the mind is often called the soul killer when we allow it to spin endless elaborate webs. The mind allows us to voluntarily imprison ourselves. It is a prison far crueler than any person can ever perpetrate on us. While all of us tend to blame and be angry at others for any number of things, the subtlety of the part we play into our prisons and daily lives is often lost on us.

Creativity and endless possibilities are the expressions of one of my Deities the Eternal child. We can learn about this, by watching our own children. The thing I love about children is their freshness. Everyday is a challenge and an adventure. They are instinctually curious as to what is around the corner. They have boundless energy, yes in part because of their new bodies. But I believe it is because of something so much more. Their fresh attitudes and having no preconceptions of what should and should not be. They will dip their chicken in yogurt and love it. They have very flexible boundaries. This allows them to be fly on the wings of dreams and pursue them as doggedly as any hunter. Those who have children can attest to their persistence! They believe in what they feel. They are passionate when they want something or feel a certain way.

Passion and creativity feed on each other. One is the fuel, the other is the instrument. It is a beautiful sensual love affair that has inspired the greatest artists. Both are needed to break the bonds of routine that has far outgrown its' usefulness.

How to break free of the routined life?

What not to do. I have always been an opponent of anything more than two hours with certain rare exceptions. No this is not because I have ADD (laughter). I find this to be even more the case in TV, especially video games, mindless internet searching/surfing a day, to name a few. It literally puts your creativity and mind into a box. It is one of the major reasons I became Pagan, to get closer to my instinctual, passionate, primal side. I really wanted to free myself of this crap. It's something I've started to lose over the years. Something I'm now rediscovering daily with great pleasure.

What to do. On one of my Toltec lists it was suggested do something every day or at least every week that scares you or is out of the ordinary for you. Sit in a different chair at work. If you are a redneck go to a fancy restaurant, if you are a yuppy go to a local dive (the food is more than good there), if you tend to read only fiction, read non fiction and vice versa. SHAKE UP YOUR WORLD every chance you get.

Lets face it, the most boring people you've met in your life are the ones that you can set your watch to as to their daily activities. The ones that you see in 5, 10, 20 years and they have not changed one bit on the inside. One of my favorite quotes is by Thoreau "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" Routine if not with a real purpose only simmer that desperation to a boiling point.

This article was inspired by another article from the Witches Voice called "The Road not traveled" by Lawmage posted December 2, 2007. It is a highly suggested read.