I played with legos yesterday with my daughter. I took about ½ hour to construct this building consisting of 5 separate towers. After I finished it, I admired this long and hard. Then I took each and every piece apart, like the Buddhist ceremony of sweeping away the sand mandelas. It was amazing at all the energy literally that came off of the pieces as I did so. There was such a beautiful release of actual energy that I felt as I did so. I never thought something as ordinary as Legos could have energy/spiritual aspects to them.
I learned that anything that you invest energy into takes on a life of it's own. This is just the tip of what I hope to be my lessons on energy. I also now understand reincarnation more than ever. I understand the need to let go of our egos, of our lives, of the objects of our lives, no matter how pretty or how much we may love them. It is something I will be doing more and more in my life. The need to release and let go, no matter how beautiful it may be, when it's time is finished, purpose done, the energy needs to be dispersed. This part of being Pagan it is a phenomenal part of our religion and a needed part of our existence, no matter how much we want to grasp. It is thoughts like these of my impermanence that give me comfort now a days. I am learning to make peace with my old nemesis of death. When you let go of one form/object/etc. It allows you to shape shift to inumerable other possibilities.
I have been a away from Covenspace for a while and may continue to lurk on and off for many personal storms in my life now. I just felt such a need to post this with the disclaimer that A.) I am not a pervert in any sense of the word. B.) I am not an exhibitionist either. C.) I have lived a repressed, sheltered, suburbia life for all my years.
A few days ago I went to Lilly Dale which is a beautiful Spiritualist place for mediums, a compound of sorts, It is a bit new agey but still very nice. That experience really cleared the air of my life, helping me reconnect to the deeper parts of my spirituality, sort of like a tune up or a good pipe cleaning. Yesterday I smudged the house and almost instantly my allergies went wayyyy down. This morning I went out complete stark naked in the backyard. This is no small feat, since there are neighbors on all sides. (laughter) It was not exactly what I expected, sort like the first time you do anything (winks and more laughter)
First it was incredibly, incredibly liberating, just amazing to feel the innocence of what it means to be human. The feel of the grass, the cool and very windy feel of the air which was a bit chilly at times, but even that wrapping myself in nothing but the blanket I brought to lay upon was WoW, so primal. The feeling of all my pieces and parts exposed and touching the earth, the wind, places where few such things other than shower water ever touch it. The sensual aspect consisted of only a brief erection and then gone like the wind. That was not m focus today. I gloried in laying on the blanket and looking up at the tree from below, hugging the bare bark rough against my skin. Later as I got a bit more courage I walked bare around the yard. The soft, wet feel of the earth under my feet, with mushy mud beneath my toes. Having nothing but just pure senses about me. Even the sounds of the rustling of the wind through the leaves and grass, the early morning birds chirping was so amplified and beautiful. When I sat down on the rough grass feeling and being eye level to it all. There was no real desire to meditate, perhaps in future times there will be. It was just to feel a thousand different sensations all at once. Though I have done sooo many of these things clothed, it really did give a whole new feel to it. It was all soooo amazing and beautiful, one I will treasure and repeat.
I don't mean to glorify this at all, in the sense of our ancestors did live incredibly hard and tough lives beyond a doubt, but is it was so nice to feel the freedom to notice the difference in the mentalities of general society. I could imagine if I told this to anyone on the street 9.5 out of 10 people would either chastise me or give me a mega eye roll and call me a tree hugger. 1 out of 10 would have probably secretly wished to have done something like that, but been too afraid to speak up and gone with the 9.5 crowd.
In the end it is further process along my path. It is a loosening of inhibitions and a reconnecting to my youth, my primal past and an increasing bond with my base nature, my gods and nature.
Webster's dictionary defines sacrifices as giving up something valuable for the sake of something else, it is the act/ritual of offering. It can be your time, yourself, certain habits, a lifestyle, a loved one, any number of things
This was inspired by Niamh's article "I sacrifice comfort for despair" The article was well written and made tons of sense. It was so well written, I even made a handout out of it to give to my mental health clients. But the principle itself really turned my stomach. As a male I found it a very distasteful concept. Although I did do sacrificing, I never looked at it that way. When I wanted something, I hunted after it, if I could not reach it, I withdrew and waited for the next opportunity. I lived very much in the moment, very much on instinct. My instinct allowed me to become a jack of all trades, but never really had the focus to sacrifice myself to something bigger. Voluntarily giving up something or myself seemed like paying the bully in school not to beat me up and hoping he kept his end of the bargain. It felt like the other main sacrifice I hear about all the time, how Jesus sacrificed himself for our sins - even more distasteful than the bully imagery.
As events have changed recently in my life, I realize just how short sighted this was. The sacrifice part, not the Jesus part. I realized I could no longer have my cake and eat it to. I realized if I was going to have any meaningful depth in my life either way I would have to sacrifice something. Whether it was dreams for stability. Time and energy for studies of the spiritual. I realized why my life had not been working all of these years, it was because I was not willing to make that investment, that total commitment, that total sacrifice.
As I look at and start to learn and live the meaning of sacrifice, I am realizing the many principles involved in it. First, the sacrifice like anything needs to be well thought out, if not, then there are no take backs, no returns, no exchanges, no do overs. It also has to be something truly of value to you, otherwise the sacrifice is a joke and a dishonor to the divinities or powers that be.
Like anything else good you have to give yourself whole heartedly to this process. You must see the beauty of it. The sacrifice to be truly worthy must be voluntary and it is an act of bowing down to something that is bigger than you, be it it a god/goddess, a goal, situation, or a purpose, or perhaps even a spell. It really carves the ego down to size in a good way, for those who are willing to put this small part of themselves down. When sacrifice is done non voluntarily or forced is when it becomes much more uglier. It is then called a consequence or a punishment.
A strict warning to fluffy bunnies abound, the only problem with sacrifice is that you get typically get the treats/reward until after the sacrifice is made. Be it cooking a stew, a relationship, meditation, studying for an exam etc. A good end result is NEVER guaranteed. Though certain things are a better bet than others. Another warning is that typically whatever you sacrifice will have consequences to not only yourself but those around you, if not now, then later. Once a path of sacrifice has been made, it will require more.
In practical terms I have experienced this in meditation. I have started to confront my scattered thoughts and impulses by mentally saying "I sacrifice my desire to get up, to get distracted for something even better higher good. Now I am suddenly finding the concept of sacrifice in everything I do and say. I am finding it all over in the world.
In the end it I have found this concept of sacrifice very grounding. It is not always ice cream and puppy dogs, but it is a cornerstone to leading a life of substance and something you can be proud of. Once you begin to truly live it, it will turn you from a boy intor a man, from a girl into a woman, from a novice into an elder. What are you willing to sacrifice?
Yesterday I had my most beautiful outdoor/spiritual experience since my recent crisis over a week ago. There is a park near by me that has many playgrounds, many paved paths. I am industrious enough to find the hidden nooks and crannies that most people don't traverse. I parked my car by the creek and almost immediately I was rewarded - I was not sure whether I saw a woodchuck in the water or a baby beaver, swimming across the creek, but it was definitely a mammal. Walking further I stood over the bridge and marveled at the beauty of the river in both directions, stunning waters glistening in the sun as it was starting to set. There was a steady breeze blowing swaying the many weeping willows by the water. As walked on the broken asphalt path, I saw goslings scurrying across, watchful parents corralling them in, suspiciously looking at me.
I moved even farther away from the playground to a more wilder wooded area. There I saw the most picturesque site in years - a field of dandelions amongst the trees. I swear it was something out of magazine or a children's book it was so natural and beautiful. I was so moved by it that I had to sit my butt - dress pants and all in the semi muddied dirt of that field. It was amazing to see the wind ripple through the grass like waves on an ocean. It was so nice, just to feel so small and witnessing it all. It was so different than my everyday life where I am surrounded by only a handful of beings at any one point in time. Here there was lives upon lives here, some bigger than me and probably older, some like the dandelions just born this season. I can't tell you the sacredness of being allowed to feel so small in the midst of such a brimming symphony of life.
Making my way back, my last treat still lay waiting for me. I looked at the trees on my path and started to make individual faces and souls. It was not that I saw it in the bark but saw it spiritually. You know that old saying "I can't tell the difference between (fill in your race), they all look exactly alike". It because you have not immersed yourself deeply enough to understand their individuality. It was no different with nature and things we do not consider human.
As I walked back to my car, I realized more and more this is the type of life I want to live. This is where I truly belong, not just as an occasional weekend excursion into a park. I want to daily behold this beauty and live amongst the woods the rest of my days. I want to become more of a part time visitor to the human realm vs. the natural world.
